as many should know that i am so freaking busy with school.. motivation level getting lower and lower as each day passes.. having this super low feeling that psychology isnt something i truly wanted to do after all.. am just going with the flow since i have started it.. my exam is in 10 days time, and i haven even started with it.. haiz.. been trying to relive the dream of being a psychologist but the process is just too tedious.. really hope to find that motivation and do well..
I remembered when i was about 9-10 years old, i attended this workshop.. It was all about values and morals, the conductor was a psychologist with a very strong belief that one can influence the future even though one is limited.. I believed his theory of changing the whole even when you are the only one trying.. This was exactly the reason why i wanted to be a psychologist.. cause i wan to understand humans and help them to become a better person.. but as most should know, our world was built in a way which reject changes.. everyone would prefer to live the "happy" life they are in, instead of constantly searching for the better.. only a handful of person are always reflecting on their life from time to time and point to point, and always in search for a better person in them..
In short, one would choose to live the life of a majority and the other would choose to live the life of a minority..
For me, I had came across people who are living in the life of the majority; frens who pursue life enjoyment and not life lessons.. and when you try to help them to become a better person, they reject your kindness.. I am fortunate to meet some frens who are also on the same path with me, seeking a better life; spiritually and physically.. They shared important lessons with me which made realised alot more.. During my time in national service, I met 2 of such.. A buddy during my basic medic course, who shared his life experiences and beliefs.. We always talked about what is right and wrong and how we can improve further and beyond our limits.. The other one, a medic of mine when i was a in charge, shared his beliefs and view with me, making me realise so much, which i think no one else in this whole can ever influence me in the way he did..
But like i said, there are only a handful of them.. through out my 23 years of life, i only met 1.. 3.. 5.. 6.. 7.. maybe 10 of such people.. We all believed that there are so much more we can do with our life and we should not just waste it on life enjoyment.. I remembered once, i didnt really watched tv for a year and devoted a lot time into reading, exercising and paying attention to the world around me and I realised that everyone is doing the same everyday.. The majority people would call it life and accepted the fact that it is like that, and end up waking up at 7-8 am, trying to rush to work, having lunch break, work more, rush home.. tv, computer and slp.. and its another day.. Doing this and that all over again, hoping to get a good salary and a fat bonus at the end of the year.. but is this really the life u wan? if you are thinking that this is how the world work, then you are blinded.. What we really need in life is, food water and air.. food can be grown and not bought, water can be collected and air is free.. Then you might say that it is not possible for it to happen in the modern world anymore.. but my question to you is, whats stopping you? Whats stopping you from achieving what you really wanted?
But once again, when you see so much and feel so much with the world and realised that there are only so few people you can truly talk to, it is quite meaningless.. I am trying to be a majority, trying to live life as it is.. trying to not change what cannot be changed.. going with the flow.. But i realised that this isnt what i wanted..
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I have been thinking, why do people break up even after years of relationship? is it because they gave up? today, i had this answer in me.. it is not because they gave up, it is because they realised only after so many years that you can never build a relationship with the person wrong person.. frankly, most of us fell in love because of appearance and a feeling which was not true.. and when they are in a relationship, the appearance became less important and the feeling became lost.. but i like i said, it was never really there.. most people would spend alot of time finding the feeling they had together.. some created it while others end up on their separate path.. for those who cant create the feeling and managed to stay together? they accepted each other as who they truly are..
Frankly, I will fell in love based on first sight.. then, character.. followed by the innate personality and eventually the understanding and beliefs we share.. sometimes, i really wish to talk to a person who i can talk to, and not be quiet.. someone who can understand and agree with my views, if not agree, influence me with a better one.. someone who can motivate me and keep me on track.. i know its hard to find such a person.. maybe some has yet seen the truth or had accepted as it is..
Belonging to two different world makes things very difficult.. the majority do not understand the minority.. the minority understands the majority but does not understand why they would choose to remain in their situation even when help is offered..
If you can see this differences, you will understand why i always say i understand and why i chose not to interfere any more even though its making me lose a part of me.. And all this would summarize why everything been going the wrong way..
When you had tried almost everything, and nothing changes, the only thing left to do is to join in..
