Wow it has been almost 2.5 years since my last post. Your blog has always been an open tab on my browser, some days I will check in to see if you wrote anything new but its always the same last post dating back to 18 Mar 2014, more than 11 years ago. But today I decided to something different, I went read your blog again and went to find where I started to appear. It was 14 June 2008. You mentioned that it was hanging out with me over the past few days. Enjoying the treats, drinks, long john agar agar and the book (which I am very sure, till today you have not finish it). We would spent night on MSN playing games and webcam each other. Those days were simple and fun. You also mentioned about going to IT fair together and playing basketball together at the demolished court near your ErYiPo house. Laughing at me having a tough time playing with an uncle which I still remember till today..

07 04 23

Today, we had a very serious talk about our lives as a partner, spouse and parent. It is clear that we are two very different type of people trying to work things out, or rather at least one of us is. 

You picked a very interesting question to start the ball rolling. What special ability or special power you would like to have? We both chose the same special power, control of time, but express it use very differently. I said, I would like this ability so that I could go back in time to change things and make things better, but you would use it to end things.

We have been together for 15 years and been through many ups and downs, and we once promised to work things out together and that's what kept us going for 15 years. Today, it is no longer this promise that keeps us going but our kids. 

You mentioned that our current lifestyle is like kinship, no longer partners who are in love. I agree. While I tried to put in the effort to, I realized that it did not bring us closer and eventually you distanced and built a wall between us. 

While we continue to live our lives together, you made it very clear that it would be just for the kids and would want nothing more. I know we would never go back to how we were in the early days but you were firm that you did not want a new beginning too.

It seems like the hardship you went through as we worked things out with our first child has changed you. 6 months of hardship that I put you through was enough to break the foundation of our 15 years of relationship. To be fair, as you mentioned a pile up of other series of events over the years, that create the negativity in you.

Today's session definitely was in-depth and we touch on many topics. Many of which made me realized that you changed long time ago. Going on dates, spending time together on special occasions, go the extra mile for each other no longer meant the same importance as it did many years ago.

We left the session, but I felt that I left a part of me behind. 

To end off.. You stopped playing the role of a partner, never really played the role as a wife and decided to just be a parent together.    

2022

21 Dec 2022

Life is very different now. Looking back at how we began, we have come a long way from the past and perhaps an even long journey into the future with our children.

Saw a short clip and it reflected my feelings towards you which may have been buried due to our busy lives.

第一眼就喜欢上的你

真的会喜欢上很久

从我见你的第一面起

就知道我们注定会有故事

命运就好像在对我说

我跑不掉了

第一眼就喜欢上你

我就知道我们不能只做朋友

在看一眼我就知道你将是

我一生的爱

The Corn Field Story

One may ask.. What is love?

Love is like going into a HUGE corn field with only one chance to pick the best corn among thousands.

Many of us would spend almost their entire life to make sure that the one they choose will be the best; biggest and prettiest corn in the entire field.. And usual end up regretting not picking the one before and before.. It is naturally for us as humans to always think that there may and likely will be something even better if we keeping looking.

But I am happy with what I have chosen! I have decided that you are the corn for me! And you made me stop searching! So remember this.. There maybe better corns out there, but I have decided that you are the sweetest corn I can ever have!

Chapter new: Day 1

Looking at the last post dated on November 12, 2010.. Wao! That was more than 2 years ago! So what happened during these two years?? Well.. I kinda graduated with a Bachelor of Psychology from James Cook University after 3 years of hardcore studying.. Started on my first job and worked for 6 months as a HR Executive in a rather disappointing environment.. Current in the midst of pursuing a Postgraduate Diploma in HR and Org Psy with SHRI.. Failed a couple times of IPPT and eventually getting through on the 8th RT-IPPT session.. Still happily with the wonderful girl who I devoted most of my blog to.. and most importantly, today shall mark a brand new chapter in my life, as I embarked on a new career as an Account Manager at Candela Group.

Most of you would start your new chapter with the brand new year.. well.. I choose to mark my new journey with my brand new job.. My first goal in this chapter is to close my first deal within a month's time.. Ambitious.. many might say.. but well.. nothing is impossible.. Its gonna be tough find that one silver lining.. but looking at the bright side.. I kinda have 30 days.. haha.. Oya.. I am venturing into invoice financing.. Google it if you are clueless..

Side track a little.. why and how did we started using.. "go google it if you do not know what it is".. Why didn't we said "yahoo it" instead? Since yahoo start earlier than google.. shouldn't we have use "yahoo" it? haha.. just something random.. maybe there is one of the crucial reason why google is so much more likable and most importantly profitable than yahoo..

That's all for day 1.. and may I be bless with a smooth day ahead..

Reflections of life

Been "years" since I posted my last post and I can sadly say that life is getting meaningless.. Always at a point of stage, we all should look back and reflect on our life and see what went right and where went wrong..

For my own, its really going in the wrong direction.. As most of you should know, I am 23 this year.. Living as the youngest of 4 siblings is not a blessing as most of you might think of it to be.. When I was born, I have a gap of 12 years with my before-me brother and a 18 years gap with eldest sister.. Growing up in such a family made me mature faster and learnt to see the world in another perspective.. I never understand the way others lead their life.. By the age of 14, I am left alone to explore the world of adolescence.. The friends I made along the way was of the same mindset, everyone was of the same mindset.. Till a younger generation came in.. I remembered the first day of school when I was Sec 4.. The moment I walked into school, I saw Sec 1 playing "Catching".. I was like.. What's the world becoming! As the day goes by, they became more childish and playful, and soon the lower sec seems to become primary school students..

When I was in sec 1, the popular stuff to do was magic-card games, basketball, board games, computer games, actively in CCA.. Never was there any act of childish mischief, nor "catching". Soon I discover that those who are born at 90's have this generation gap with the 80's.

Anyway, lets side track a little. The reason why I am writing this post s due to a Facebook video i saw from a friend of mine. Its done by a guy who spend 30 years on games and now he is under achieving and divorced. This lead to me to think of the times I spent on Tv and maplestory. In his video, he mentioned stuff like.. what's the point of getting to level 80 in a game.. if you take the time you spend there and make use of it by spending more time with friends, family and exercise, we would be different.. Its true how technology has taken over our life, how facebook have changed the life of everyone around us.. Back in my days, there was only MIRC and Friendster which was just a page and a chat room for use to get to socialise.. It was not as addictive as Facebook.. Facebook has become a addiction to most people, commenting.. posting pictures.. playing the games there.. chatting there.. but once again, back to the ultimate question.. what do you benefit from it after all the "fun"? When you are 60, will you remember what you commented today? I used to watch a lot of tv too.. Chasing drama night after night.. then one day, I went for a camp with lasted 3 days 2 nights.. and ever since then.. I forgot what is tv.. Why are the people of today chasing after tv, facebook and games? I really wish to get out of this vicious cycle but how can I motivate myself when I turn to my left and right, I see everyone doing the same old thing!

haiz.. kicking myself is not going to working.. its an addiction we all have to put an end to it..

First Day..

hmm.. Today is a Sunday.. Went to work.. Super slow day.. But well, no matter how slow it is, it still will come to an end..

A lot is happening and am feeling so trapped in it.. Taking a break was never an ideal plan for me.. Nothing will be solved at the end of the week.. Just making me feel like breaking off all communication since you do not even feel like communicating, then I shall not put in the effort to.. Just have this feeling that at the end of the break, things will become very bad.. But once again, you are prepared for it more than you are trying to make things better..

Sometimes, we just know the path we would all end up with.. but the attachment we have now, just stop us from walking onto the path.. Maybe at the end of our break, I will be ready to walk the path which I already should have walked long time ago.. Since now, I no longer feel that you are walking on the same path with me.. I am getting ready to walk the path of mine..

Anyway, did not do my school stuff again.. another less day to work harder..

Kick myself again..

Newest Goal --> EAT, EXERCISE, SLEEP!